Beyond Jaded

Bill Gates Picks His Own Punishment

2008-10-29T01:45:00.000-07:00

Bill Gates Picks His Own Punishment

This must be an elderly joke, but I still liked it:

Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.

Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."

"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.

As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"

"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.

"The bottle has a hole in it!"

"What about the PC?"

"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.

"And it's missing three keys,"

"Which three?"

"Control, Alt and Delete."

A Fly, Fish, Bear Hunter, Mouse & A Cat!

2008-10-19T01:43:00.000-07:00

A Fly, Fish, Bear Hunter, Mouse & A Cat!

This is a story about A Fly, a Fish, a Bear A Hunter, a Mouse and a Cat.

There is a moral to this story.....

In the dead of summer a fly was resting among leaves beside a stream.

The hot, dry fly said to no one in particular,

'Gosh... if I go down three inches

I will feel the mist

From the water and I will be refreshed.'

There was a fish in the water thinking,

'Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him.'

There was a bear on the shore thinking,

'Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches

That fish will jump for the fly...

And I will grab the fish!!'

It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank

Of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich....

'Gosh,' he thought, 'if that fly goes down three inches...

And that fish leaps for it...

That bear will expose himself and grab for the fish.

I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch.'

Now, you probably think this is

Enough activity on one river bank,

But I can tell you there's more...

A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking,

'Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches...

And that fish jumps for that fly..

And that bear grabs for that fish..

The dumb hunter will shoot the bear

And drop his cheese sandwich.'

A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought,

(as was fashionable to do on the banks of

This particular river around lunch time)

'Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches..

And that fish jumps for that fly

And that bear grabs for that fish

And that hunter shoots that bear..

And that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich .

Then I can have mouse for lunch.'

The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he

Heads down for the cooling mist of the water.

The fish swallows the fly...

The bear grabs the fish..

The hunter shoots the bear..

The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich...

The cat jumps for the mouse..

The mouse ducks...

The cat falls into the water and drowns.

NOW, The Moral Of The Story....

Whenever a fly goes down three inches,

Some pussy's gonna be in serious danger.

Didn't see that one coming, did you?

Our dog found a bucket of Artex in the garden

2008-10-15T01:45:00.000-07:00

Our dog found a bucket of Artex in the garden
And by the following morning had left perfect white plastercast turds all over the house. They had to be chipped off the floor with a spade.